The Regret

A Short Story By G.S.Vasukumar

Ramesh went to the old store room, searched for a carton on which it was written with a marker “Dad’s things”. He finally found that carton. He sat on a small stool, after pulling this carton towards him and tearing its seal open. He picked up his dad’s old diary into his hands, and went through it.

“I had brought up my son with lots of love and care. I never expected that he would do the same thing in return when I grow old. I had thought the least I could expect from him was that he would spend some time with me and say something nice. Sadly, that never happened. Maybe my expectations were too much. He had become very busy in his life and never found any time for me.”

Ramesh sadly turned to the next page of his father’s diary. He found a peacock’s feather between the pages. He picked it up and read the note on that page.

“As a kid, my son loved this peacock’s feather a lot. As he grew up, he had forgotten about it. I felt it would be nice if I could treasure it. It has sweet memories of my dear son playing with it.”

He looked up, touching his face with that peacock’s feather. Then he continued reading his father’s diary.

“Maybe, my son loved me, maybe. I would never know his inner feelings as he never expressed much. We had become like two strangers as he grew up. I felt it wouldn’t have mattered if I had to pass away some time back.”

Ramesh had a drop of tear in his right eye, which flowed slowly down his cheek.

He had moved to a distant place after completing his studies. He had seen his parents only a few times. As he got married and had his own kids, it even became a rare thing. It was not that he didn’t love or care for his parents. But he had locked his love for his parents deep inside his heart and never expressed it to them. It was some years back when his mother had passed away.

His father was living alone in the old house. He had asked him to move into their place, but the old man had refused it. He wanted to live his last days recalling the wonderful memories of that house, where his beloved wife had stayed.

Ramesh had given it a thought to spend some time with his father, but that time never came. Soon his own children grew up, and one day his old father had passed away in his sleep.

He had seen his father’s diary a couple of times: once while he was alive and the second time after his death, while packing his things from the old house. Finally, his father’s things found its stay in this store room of the house.

Today, he missed his father a lot and he just remembered that his father used to write in a diary. He felt that he might feel closer to his dad going through it at least now.

“Life isn’t a fairy tale. Reality is too hard to digest.” His father had written in the next page.

“After my dearest wife passed away, for the first time in my life I realized how much alone I was in this selfish world. My dear son had asked me to move with him to his house. However, I refused as I knew that it wouldn't make much difference moving to that place. So I thought let me stay over here embracing my solitude, with the sweet memories of my dear wife to cherish till my last day arrives.”

“Moreover, my wife had loved this place a lot! I wonder what would happen to this place after I am gone. Perhaps, it would be destroyed to build some thing else. Luckily, I wouldn’t be there to see something my wife had loved being destroyed forever.”

A drop of tear from his eyes landed on the page of his father’s diary. He closed the diary, kissed it and hugged it tightly to his chest.

He went inside and asked his son.

“Son, can you please take me for a drive?”

“Sure, dad!” His son said, standing up.

His son drove his father to the graveyard. The eighty year old Ramesh walked slowly with the help of his son towards his father’s grave.

“Son, I would like to spend some moments alone with my father” Ramesh said.

“Sure, dad, I will pay a visit to grandma’s grave in the meantime.” He said walking away.

Ramesh bent and placed a bunch of white Lilly flowers on his father’s tomb.

“Dad, I hope you are listening to my words wherever you are right now…I am very sorry for having neglected you when you needed me the most in your life…I am extremely very sorry for that…please forgive me…one more thing, I love you a lot! I wish I had told you this while you were around.” He said with tears overflowing from his eyes.

The wind was blowing quite strong, and it carried away his tears towards the big banyan tree, which stood near to his father’s grave. He remembered to having seen a small sapling the last time he was here.

“I forgive you, my dear son. I love you a lot too. I always did. I wish that I could hug you now, but I am helpless being this stupid tree in my present birth.” These were the thoughts of the big banyan tree.

“Dad, shall we go now?” His son came and asked him.

“All right, son” He said, walking away with him.

The wind carried some leaves from the big banyan tree, and they gently touched the old man’s back. 

The End